How to Recover from Codependency?

Codependency is a term often used in discussions about relationships, but what does it truly mean? At its core, codependency is a dysfunctional relationship dynamic where one person, often referred to as “the giver,” sacrifices their own needs and well-being to care for another, “the taker.” This pattern can occur in romantic relationships, friendships, or even family dynamics. While codependency is frequently linked to addiction, it can also arise in relationships involving mental health struggles or other imbalances.

Understanding codependency is the first step toward healing. If you’ve ever wondered how to recover from codependency, you’re not alone. Many individuals find themselves trapped in these one-sided, emotionally draining relationships, feeling exhausted, guilty, and unfulfilled. The good news is that recovery is possible. By addressing underlying issues, rebuilding self-worth, and learning healthier ways to relate to others, you can break free from codependency and create more balanced, fulfilling relationships.

In this article, we’ll explore what codependency looks like, its connection to addiction, and actionable steps to help you recover and reclaim your life. Whether you’re seeking help for yourself or a loved one, this guide will provide the tools and insights needed to begin the journey toward healthier relationships and self-empowerment.

What is Codependency?

Codependency is a learned behavior, often passed down through generations, that affects an individual’s ability to maintain healthy, mutually satisfying relationships. According to Psychology Today, codependency involves one person assuming the role of “the giver,” constantly sacrificing their own needs for the sake of the other, “the taker.” This dynamic can be emotionally destructive and is often rooted in low self-esteem, unresolved trauma, or growing up in a dysfunctional family.

Originally, the term emerged in the substance abuse community to describe the relationship between someone with an addiction and their partner or family member. However, codependency is not limited to addiction—it can occur in any relationship where one person prioritizes another’s needs at the expense of their own well-being.

Codependency and Addiction: Are They Connected?

While codependency is often associated with addiction, the two don’t always go hand in hand. Research shows that individuals who grow up with a parent struggling with addiction are more likely to develop codependent tendencies as adults. These individuals learn to prioritize others’ needs over their own, often seeking validation and approval from those around them.

In relationships where addiction is present, the codependent person may enable their partner’s behavior, believing they can “fix” or “save” them. This dynamic can perpetuate a cycle of dysfunction, leaving both individuals feeling unfulfilled and emotionally drained.

Signs You’re in a Codependent Relationship

Recognizing codependency is the first step toward recovery. Here are some common signs:

• People-pleasing: You struggle to say no and often prioritize others’ needs over your own.

• Low Self-Worth: You base your value on others’ approval and struggle with self-criticism.

• Rescuer Mentality: You feel responsible for “fixing” or “saving” your partner, even at your own expense.

• Lack of Boundaries: You have difficulty setting and maintaining healthy boundaries in relationships.

• Exhaustion and Resentment: You feel drained, guilty, and resentful, yet you continue to give.

If these signs resonate with you, it’s time to take steps toward recovery.

Recover from Codependency

Recovering from codependency is a journey, but with the right tools and support, it’s entirely possible. Here are four key steps to help you break free:

1. Seek Professional Help

Working with a therapist who specializes in codependency and trauma-informed care can provide invaluable guidance. Therapy helps you uncover the root causes of your codependent behaviors and develop healthier ways to relate to yourself and others.

2. Rebuild Your Self-Worth

Codependency often stems from low self-esteem. Take time to rediscover your strengths, passions, and values. Engage in activities that bring you joy and remind you of your inherent worth.

3. Practice Self-Care

Prioritize your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This might include eating well, exercising, setting boundaries, and saying no when necessary. Self-care is not selfish—it’s essential for healing.

4. Learn to Forgive

Forgiveness is a powerful tool in recovery. Forgive yourself for past mistakes and let go of guilt. Understand that you did the best you could with the knowledge and resources you had at the time.

The Path to Healthier Relationships

Recovering from codependency is not just about ending unhealthy relationships—it’s about building a healthier relationship with yourself. As you learn to value and care for yourself, you’ll naturally attract more balanced, fulfilling connections with others.

If you or a loved one is struggling with codependency, addiction, or mental health challenges, Futures Recovery Healthcare is here to help.

Our comprehensive treatment programs address the root causes of codependency and provide the tools needed for lasting recovery.

What is Codependency?

Codependency refers to a relationship that is dysfunctional and more or less one-sided. In the most simplistic terms, one person is the giver in the relationship and one person is the taker.  However, codependency is not that simple, and understanding what real codependency is, what the possible causes are, and how to overcome it are essential to establishing healthy, interdependent relationships. 

Codependency is a term that was first introduced in the 1940s. The term was used to describe the partners of individuals with alcohol or substance use disorders. Most often, back in the 1940s, these people who were described as codependent were the wives of alcoholics and those addicted to drugs. 

Codependency and Addiction

However, codependency can exist in any type of relationship. Codependency can exist between spouses, partners, work partners, parents and children, and friends. When this label first emerged the following were signs of codependency in addiction: 

• Making excuses for someone’s behavior
• Putting up with bad and abusive behavior
• Continuing to provide living essentials to someone who is not contributing
• Hiding the individual’s alcohol or drugs 
• Protecting them from the negative consequences of their behavior
• Trying to control or direct another person’s behavior

For example, a parent of someone who is addicted to heroin may continue to let them live in their house, give them money for things, pick them up from the streets, bail them out of jail, and more. In this case, the parent is said to be codependent and enabling the person with the addiction to continue using drugs. 

Another example is when a spouse continually bails out their husband or wife when they are drunk and embarrassing themselves. Covering for them, making excuses to their coworkers and employers time and time again are examples of codependency and codependent behaviors. This ‘enables’ the individual to continue their behaviors and alcohol or drug use because they never truly experience the consequences. 

These types of codependent behaviors were the premise of the formation of Alanon. Alanon is a support group that offers help to those individuals who have a family member or loved one who has an alcohol use disorder (AUD) or substance use disorder SUD). Al Anon helps those individuals who have a family member or loved one with an addiction to learn to set healthy boundaries and curb their own codependent behaviors. 

It’s important to note that codependency is not a clinical diagnosis, it’s not in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-V), and there is controversy over the term itself. 

Signs of Codependency 

Since the 1940s, the use of this term and how it’s defined have grown and changed. Today, it’s understood that people can be codependent in relationships that don’t involve alcohol or drug addiction. However, in many cases of codependency, there are mental health issues present. 

According to research in the International Journal of Mental Health and Addiction, there are four themes found in codependency. These are as follows:

• Need to control
• Self-sacrificing 
• Inability or difficulty in expressing and recognizing emotions
• Focusing on others 

While sacrificing for loved ones and focusing on their needs is part of healthy relationships, with codependency these are exhibited to the extreme. What’s more, some of these themes can even show up in a person’s relationship to themselves. 

As mentioned, there is no clinical diagnosis of codependency but experts agree on a number of signs of codependent people. In addition to the ones listed above the following are seen in the person who is the giver or caretaker in codependent relationships:

• Having an extreme fear of being rejected or abandoned
• Showing an excessive need to please others or be liked by others
• Exhibiting low self-esteem or self-worth that is dependent on others
• Finding it hard to say no even to others
• Apologizing or taking the blame when it’s not their fault
• Ignoring one’s own needs on an ongoing basis
• Avoiding conflict at all costs
• Being obsessively concerned about a loved one and what they’re doing
• Trying to manage loved one’s lives
• Doing things to make others happy even when they don’t want to do them
• Putting loved ones on a pedestal

When it comes to relationships, some of these behaviors are normal and considered healthy, however, when these behaviors go to the extreme and are ongoing, it’s a sign of codependency. Sometimes when there is a crisis these behaviors listed above are normal and healthy, however, when individuals engage in these types of behaviors with others normally, it’s a sign they may be codependent. 

What Causes Codependency? 

Many times people want to know what causes codependency in themselves or others. Codependency has been linked to growing up in dysfunctional families or home environments. Often, the person who becomes codependent had a parent with substance abuse issues or mental health issues. Sometimes, an individual with codependent behaviors had one or both parents who were either very controlling or neglectful. 

Vicki Botnik, a marriage and family therapist in Tarzana, CA, states the following in regards to codependency and upbringing, 

“Most contributing factors to this condition begin with parents who, for one reason or another, have poor boundaries,” Botnick explained. “And when your needs continually go unmet, you become unable to assert yourself or even know what you should ask for,” she continued. 

In addition to mental health and substance abuse issues, childhood trauma can also contribute to the causes of codependency. Here are some key issues that can lead someone to become codependent: 

• Experiencing physical, emotional, or sexual abuse
• Having neglectful parents or caregivers
• Having a caregiver or parent with a  personality disorder like narcissism, borderline personality disorder, etc. 
• Controlling and overprotective caregivers or parents
• Experiencing abandonment by one or both parents
• Having caregivers or parents go between being caring and loving to distant and unavailable
• Having parents or caregivers who are overly critical  and judgemental 

Being raised in these types of environments can lead individuals to ignore their own needs and wants. This is in part to keep loved ones from leaving and also to keep the peace, avoid conflict, and keep others happy. 

How to Overcome Codependency and Heal

Being codependent can leave you feeling alone, empty, burned out, and hopeless. However, it’s vital to understand that you can recover from being codependent. Therapy for codependency is a great place to start the healing process. Additionally, engaging in self-care is vital to break the cycle of codependency. 

Therapy can help individuals focus on not only recognizing their own codependent behaviors but also teach them how to set healthy boundaries, how to learn to take care of themselves, ways to overcome people-pleasing tendencies, and how to address any underlying mental health issues. 

As mentioned, along with therapy, learning how to take good care of one’s self is vital in overcoming codependency. This can include taking time to recognize and acknowledge one’s emotions and feelings, reflecting on these feelings, learning to spend time doing things you find enjoyable, recharging your own batteries in healthy ways, and taking time to develop your own hobbies and interests. 

Being codependent can be lonely and exhausting. After all, it can seem like all you do is give and all your loved ones do is take. And, in truly codependent relationships, this is not far from the truth. However, recognizing that you may be codependent is the first step to healing. There are many therapists and programs that can help with overcoming codependency. If you have a loved one who has an addiction to alcohol or drugs, Alanon is a great place to start. This support group is free, anonymous, and has years upon years of experience helping others to overcome codependency. 

Futures Recovery Healthcare supports all those who are ready to begin healing from alcohol and substance abuse. In addition, Futures programming involves the families of those with addiction issues so they too can heal and reclaim their lives without alcohol, drugs, or codependency. To learn more about our programs explore online or call us at 866-804-2098