My First Winter Holiday Season Sober

When I experienced my first winter holiday season, I was barely six months sober. After going to residential treatment over the summer, I actually felt confident about my recovery. As soon as I got out of treatment I felt some anxiety—would I be able to stay sober or be tempted to relapse? But, because of the tools I learned in treatment, combined with going to 12-Step meetings for alcohol abuse, I felt like I had a good foundation for staying sober. And then, the fall and winter seasons came. 

As the weather started to turn cold during my first year of recovery, my warm and fuzzy notions about my newfound sobriety began to feel as chilly as the temperatures outside. Plain and simply—I was not “feeling it.” Going into treatment, my life was in complete shambles. Even though I was young (25), and didn’t have a family of my own—I had done plenty of enough damage to my family of origin, lost my job, and incurred an insane amount of debt. I had no friends to speak of. And, although my Mom, Dad, brother, and sister supported my recovery (as much as they could living a few states away), they simply didn’t understand substance abuse disorders (SUDs). 

In treatment, I learned that my substance abuse disorder is an allergy and disease of the mind and body. I was told to compare my addiction to someone who has a food allergy. If someone is allergic to shellfish, they can’t simply “will themselves not to be allergic to lobster or oysters anymore.” Nor can they will away the outcome of what happens should they eat crab cakes (like a full-body rash and swollen tongue). 

This comparison made sense to me, but it seemed like no matter how much I tried to explain my substance abuse to my family, they simply couldn’t understand. They kept saying things like, “But, if you could just moderate your drinking, couldn’t you drink successfully?” And, “Your brother and sister can hold their alcohol just fine.”

I had only gone home to visit my family once since I had been sober, during Thanksgiving, and the experience was awful. I actually ended up cutting my trip short. Not only did my family have the fridge and cupboards stocked with alcohol, but they also seemed to be drinking nonstop. Although I was able to stay sober, I was irritated and resentful that my family continued to drink around me, while also having the expectation that I not only stay sober—but also suspecting that I may drink at any moment. 

Because I have a sponsor as part of my 12-Step recovery, she helped me explain to my family that it wasn’t healthy for me to remain in that environment. And, while I could have stayed at a friend’s house or a hotel, I decided it was best to return home. While my family initially wasn’t happy or understanding about my decision to leave, they seemed to have gotten over it in time. My sponsor helped me to come to the realization that I did not have to be responsible for the feelings of my family, since ultimately, I was protecting my sobriety. 

Shortly after Thanksgiving, even in light of my early departure during the Thanksgiving holiday, my mom said she was already looking at flights for me to come home on Christmas. The idea of returning to my family home filled me with fear. I had never not come home to be with my family during the winter holidays. But, I had also never attended a family function that didn’t have alcohol (and at least one or two family members—myself included—who didn’t get completely drunk). 

Although I was able to remain sober the family drama and chaos was only one aspect of what made Thanksgiving tough. There were also painful memories that came to the surface surrounding past holidays. And, Christmas would likely be no different. In fact, the last Christmas I drank so much on Christmas Eve that I blacked out, crashed my parents’ car, got a DUI, and missed Christmas Day with my nieces and nephews who I promised I’d spend time with. Because of this, I was shocked by my family’s desire to 1. Have me come home for the holidays and 2. Not understand how my drinking was something I couldn’t control!

Add to this fact, that I had just started a new job working in the hospitality industry and although I could technically take a few days off, it would look better if I stuck around, my fears of being with my family turned to dread. Then there were also my 12-Step meetings. I had come to look forward to them and was attending at least one meeting a day since becoming sober. And, even though my sponsor had helped me find a list of meetings in my hometown, I had been too nervous to attend them during my Thanksgiving stay (something which I later regretted, thinking it likely would have helped me). 

When it got to the point that I just couldn’t put the trip off any longer, my sponsor and I arranged to sit down together. We made a list of pros and cons of being with my family (or not), that looked like this: 

Making the list helped confirm that not only were there more reasons to not spend the holidays with my family but that in doing so, I could put my recovery at risk. 

Before calling my mom, I did a quick meditation to make sure I was calm and in a good place. To my surprise, while clearly sad about my missing Christmas, she said that she and my Dad totally understood. And, in fact, they were planning on reaching out to let me know there was no pressure to come home. 

So, rather than sweating out my first Christmas in my hometown, I took responsibility for my recovery and stayed put. And, I even attended a couple of sober functions—one with friends from my 12-Step recovery group and the other a work party. Even though there was alcohol at my work event, I attended a 12-Step meeting before I went, drove my own car (in case I wanted to leave early), and tucked sparkling water in my bag to make sure I didn’t accidentally grab the wrong drink. I ended up being thankful for taking my own car because a few of my coworkers ended up getting pretty inebriated (I actually drove one home)!

I was still able to see my family on Christmas day through video chat. I had enough time to send a few small gifts ahead of time (since I was still working on being financially responsible back then), and my nieces and nephews opened the toys I got them while on our call. 

New Year’s Eve rolled around quickly, which I was initially a little fearful of—after all, it’s one of the biggest drinking holidays of the year (although every day was that way for me before I got sober). But, the 12-Step meeting “homegroup” I belonged to had an all-night meeting rotation and dance. I decided to volunteer to lead one of the meetings close to midnight to keep myself accountable. My worries quickly disappeared, especially since I already had one successful sober winter holiday under my belt. 

Because I took the time to make the right and responsible decision for my recovery during Christmas, I was more confident going into New Year’s Eve, and it showed. The only thing I regret from that first New Year’s Eve was the Karaoke singing I participated in (although I’m sure those listening to it regretted it more)!

Although not everything turned out perfect that first winter season—my brother made me aware of how selfish he thought I was for not coming home to be with my parents for Christmas—I was able to navigate the challenges without taking a drink or picking up a drug. I was even able to help others, which made me feel good. The more I could be of love and service to others, the less I thought about myself and “my problems.”

It’s been many years since that first sober winter holiday season. The following year, my pros and cons list looked much different, and I ended up going home during Thanksgiving and Christmas. Some of my family members got drunk, but again, I stayed sober. By then, I had a year-plus of sobriety and many more recovery tools to use (I even hit some meetings in my hometown). 

Now, I have a family of my own. Sometimes we all visit my hometown during Christmas, and other times my extended family comes to see us. I no longer experience dread around the holidays, but it took me several years to feel fully comfortable. 

If you are in your first few days, weeks, months, or even years of sobriety, hang in there! It gets better each year. And, if you are still active in substance abuse, you are not alone. Reaching out for help saved my life, and it can save yours too if you’re ready!

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If you or a loved one needs support for substance abuse, Futures is here to help. We offer multiple pathways of addiction treatment and wellness programming. This includes inpatient detoxification and residential treatment, and outpatient services by qualified, experienced professionals in substance abuse and mental health disorders.  

Many people suffering from addiction go on to live fulfilling, joyful, and productive lives. Start your journey today.

Contact us confidentially online or by phone at 866-804-2098

How to Stay Sober During the Holidays

We’ve all seen the memes about how 2020 is a “dumpster fire” of a year. But, despite the stress of COVID-19 on top of an election year, many people are embracing the holidays, setting up Christmas trees and other seasonal decor (earlier than ever) and shopping for gifts. While diving into the holidays is a way to elicit joy for some, for others, this time of year can be painful. For both those active in substance abuse and individuals in recovery, the winter holidays can be challenging. 

While many holidays like Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Diwali, Kwanzaa, and Christmas invoke the spirit of unity and families coming together, they can present complex issues for both a person with a substance abuse disorder (SUD) and their family. For the alcoholic or addict, they may have deep-rooted hurts and resentments not yet healed. And, in many instances, families have likewise experienced emotional turmoil and chaos that results from someone having the disease of addiction. 

Adding to the pressure of holiday gatherings is the fact that alcohol is often an integral component of many celebrations—and, not just family events. Office parties, social groups, and New Year’s Eve gatherings typically involve and even encourage drinking. 

It’s not just the complexity that comes with holiday celebrations that people with SUD struggle with. Many people with alcohol and drug abuse problems also have a mental illness; this is referred to as a “co-occurring disorder.” According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, 7.7 million adults in the U.S. have co-occurring mental and substance abuse disorders. 

Furthermore, the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) revealed in a study that 64% of people with mental illness reported that holidays make their conditions worse. 

Despite the challenges the holidays can pose for people with SUD, there are many practical, supportive, and helpful tools to help them remain sober during the holiday season. 

At Futures Recovery Healthcare our entire program is based on offering multiple pathways for recovery. In addition to helping people with substance abuse disorders remember they are not alone during the holidays this year, we offer a safe, secure place to receive treatment for substance abuse and co-occurring disorders (such as anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder, as examples). 

10 Strategies for Staying Sober This Holiday Season

Staying sober during the winter season may not be easy—especially for those in early recovery—but it absolutely can be done. And, many people with SUDs find that over time, holidays in the absence of substances can be even more enjoyable. If you are newly sober, however, and are looking for ways to stay that way amidst a rocky 2020 holiday season, we are here to support you! Our experts have put together a list of tips to help you stay sober, strong, and healthy.

1. 1. Prepare, Plan, and Appraise
      One major strategy in recovery—holidays or otherwise—is to make sure you are prepared and have a plan to protect your sobriety. It also means being honest with yourself about what you may be walking into. For example, if you are invited to a friend’s Christmas party that promises “free and flowing drinks for all,” are you honestly in a mental and emotional space to attend and refrain from drinking? If the answer is no, honor that. True friends will understand and support your polite decline to attend.As a different example, let’s say your family of origin invites you to a Hanukkah gathering, but you feel unsure whether you will be triggered by certain family members. You want to go, but know that fighting can often come with the territory at these events. Here is where you can prepare a plan that involves one or more of the tips below (taking your own car, asking a recovery friend to meet you, etc.). 

1. 1. Arrange Your Own Transportation
      Tempting as it may be to pile in a family member’s or friend’s car to trek to different holiday events, having your own mode of transportation enables you to be in control of when you come and go—which is extremely important—especially if you feel triggered or uncomfortable in a situation. 

1. 1. Invite a Friend in Recovery
      Just as misery loves company, recovery encourages recovery. Don’t be afraid to ask another trusted friend in recovery to join you when attending a holiday event. Make sure you choose someone who is passionate and committed to staying sober who will help you remain accountable to your sobriety. 

1. 1. Tell Your Sponsor or Accountability Partner
      In 12-Step recovery, many people have a sponsor or “trusted friend,” who helps them in various aspects of sobriety. One of the ways a sponsor encourages sobriety is by helping their “sponsee” remain accountable.Informing your accountability partner where you are going, what type of event it is, and when you plan on leaving (maybe even throwing in a mid-party text), will not only help you feel safe, it will also help you remain committed to your recovery. 
   2. Hit a Support Group Meeting
      Whether it’s a 12-Step meeting, spiritual support group, or other recovery resources that help reinforce your sobriety, attending a group session prior to a holiday party can boost insurance against a potential relapse. Some people also find it helpful to dive into recovery-oriented reading material prior to a holiday event—such as the Living Sober book (that has a chapter dedicated to “Being Wary of Drinking Occasions”). 

1. 1. Bring Your Own Beverages
      Many people in recovery find it helpful to bring their own drinks (sparkling water, soda) to a holiday party. This helps reduce the temptation to order or get an alcoholic drink from the cash bar, or the chance of someone mistakenly switching or refilling your glass. 

1. 1. Come Early, Leave Early
      As many people in recovery likely remember, the later in the evening, the tipsier (or wasted) partygoers become. Even the most dedicated sober person can find themselves uncomfortable being surrounded by intoxicated people. Arriving early and leaving early often protects you from experiencing reminders from your days of using. 

1. 1. Avoid Resolutions
      While some people look forward to making New Year’s resolutions, doing so may trigger stress and discomfort. For example, if you vow to quit smoking on a certain date, but then don’t, it can cause disappointment which can later lead to resentment. Once resentment takes over, it may trigger you to pick up your substance of choice.Instead of resolutions, some recovering people find it helpful to make a list of accomplishments (like staying sober!) or gratitude lists. 
   2. Up Self-Care
      Stock up on favorite books, watch feel-good movies, get a manicure, exercise, explore creative outlets. Taking care of yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally will help you get through tough holiday encounters, and can be used as replacements for events you simply don’t feel are healthy for you to attend. 

1. Feel Free to Change Your Mind
   Even if you have already committed to attend a holiday party, if you feel vulnerable, angry, sad, or uncertain, you have the right to change your mind. Your sobriety comes first and foremost. It’s always okay to honor how you feel, even if that is saying no, or deciding not to do something at the last minute. 

Need Help Now? 

Many newly sober people, and those in long-term recovery, are able to navigate the challenges that come with the holiday season successfully. For others, however, who may still be actively using alcohol or drugs, the holidays can be excruciating.  

If you or a loved one needs help for substance abuse now, It’s important to know that you are not alone. Many people seek treatment for SUDs during the holidays. Futures offers multiple pathways of addiction treatment and wellness programming. This includes inpatient detoxification and residential treatment, and outpatient services by qualified, experienced professionals in substance abuse and mental health disorders.  

Many people suffering from addiction go on to live fulfilling, joyful lives. Start your journey today. Contact us confidentially online or by phone at 866-804-2098.